“Silent” – A Poem About Social Anxiety (FULL POST)

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Legs shaking.

What are you looking at?

I can’t think.

My hair itches, I’m nervous

Why is everyone staring at me???

I came to this function

I wanted to be here

I put it on my calendar and told everyone on Facebook that I was coming

And here I am

running to hide in the bathroom.

I stay a while.

I finally work up the courage to return to the people

and I laugh and I smile

and I smile and I laugh

and so far, no one has questioned me about why I keep fidgeting

and trembling about

and scratching my damn hair

maybe no one has noticed

maybe I am the only one who can tell

I leave the party

and the next day, I go to work

the phones are ringing and I am terrified to answer

people are walking in and I am at the front desk

why did I choose a front desk job?

I can’t do this

Lord, please help me

my thoughts

my thoughts…

I go home

and my boyfriend says, “relax.”

This idiot has no idea

but then I feel bad,

he’s just trying to help

I wish that I could help myself…

the only things that I can do

to help ease my pain

is write this poem,

and maybe, pray

and hope that tomorrow be a better day

because I know the time will come again

when the walls begin to close in on me

and I can’t breathe

and I might want to leave the party

and quit my job

and dump my man

because running to the bathroom to hide from my social anxiety will feel so much better

but I can’t

I refuse to let this shit win.

Legs shaking.

I want to pull all my hair out

but I won’t…

 

 

…I won’t

 

 

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