“The Tree House in the Sky” (An Ode to Suicide Contemplation)

I saw my death nine times

I fell from out of the tree house

UP in the sky. I ran from sin

But once it felt so good,

I washed in it…

I lost it all so that I could win

I desired to gain something that gave me nothing in the end…

I spread my wings and then stapled them to the ground

I missed my chance, after chance waiting around on people that are nowhere to be found now.

In my spiral-

So I spin.

I cry dry tears because nothing is left here.

I smile with uncertain joy

Wondering- what bad news is coming next?

Nervous to savor all of these moments that I know

I- cannot get back.

THESE are the feelings

The visions

The songs a sorrower sings

So many words to say and not enough space on the blank page to release…

The madness of a writer’s hand

The beauty of a masterpiece trapped in disaster

Stuck on stage performing the same damn dance

Over and over and over again

This Life of Mine Aint Shit-

and So I saw the cliff and I asked GOD,

“Can I?”

and Before He could answer, I attempted to jump. And I landed with two feet on the ground.

It pissed me off

But He said, “You’re going to listen, ONE DAY, MY CHILD…”

“You aren’t finished yet.”

So I wiped my face, and started the day-

I had missed my chance

But Then, He woke Me Up- And Without my Permission, He gave me ANOTHER ONE…

I told GOD

“I’m so tired of being strong” He said, “Just hang ON…”

“YOU MUST FLY,

Whether you like it or not”

– R.K.B. (2020)

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