Conversations With GOD

I sit at the foot of my bed. My knees are shaking…

but I need to talk. I have something to say.

 

Let’s talk about the nightmares.

Lord, can you see?

When I drift, I am drowning…

 

Each time I reach out for you, the Devil hears me

He calls me back

He comes crawling

I forget, that –  he hears my prayers when you do, too

 

I extend my soul and I long to be whole

But he fills my voids with the luxuries of a moment

The “right now…” bullshit

 

And Lord, excuse me for cussing

But, I just…

 

I thought I wasn’t too stupid to fall for a dance

One time, two times, three times

Nine-

Times…

I prayed for closure, but only to move on

Not swing in a solemn place

To groove to dusty, scratched up, broken records

That play in the background

A soundtrack to my young life –

 

I’ve already become the very woman that I despised the most

 

Sipping her cocaine

As she wipes the mascara away

Calling her next mistake that will roll on into another morning

 

She’s on all kinds of dope.

She’s Me, ain’t she?

 

So I can ride home with a wet ass and hurt feelings

 

On my way to CVS to pop another Plan B

 

Cuz I’ll be damned if anyone knows

 

I’ll be damned if anybody knows

 

The Me

 

This Me

 

The Real Me

 

The Fake Me

 

The Rabbit in a Lion’s Mask

 

The dead breathing her existence

 

Nobody can know me, really…

 

So GOD, help me

 

die

 

-Written by: Ranequa Kelley-Boyd

copyrighted April 15, 2019